So at an earl-ish age I realized that people are full of shit. The things that people say, believe in, these motives and actions are based on nothing. Nothing need be rational or logical; we can do whatever we want for whatever reason. Which of course is complete bullshit.
I will NEVER take someone seriously whose sole rationalization for thoughts and actions are because I said so, because I wanted to. It's straight up idiotic. Remember that saying "think before you act"? Know why such a saying came about? Because people just fucking acted!!
"Huh I wonder what this does? So I'll do it." BOOM action
"I want to do this. So I'll do it." BOOM action
Never once thinking "Is this a good idea?" "Will this hurt someone else?" "Do I need to do this?"
You walk into a room. There is strange machinery and bizarre devices littering the room. Light shines brightly from the ceiling, illuminating the glistening metallic instruments. You turn and see one large red circle. As you approach there is a sign above it: 'Do not press.' The large red circle is a glowing red button.
If you did not press the button, you have thought before you acted. Good job.
I'm getting off topic. This is about ME, not people; I'll bitch about their insanity in a different post.
Clearly I had to re-evaluate all my previous notions, that is if all my beliefs were based upon nothing. I believed that if those beliefs were rational, I would arrive at the same conclusions. I didn't (in most cases). I began structuring my entire belief system from the ground up, or as best as I could do. One would have to literally erase one's memory to obliterate the influence of those previous notions.
This difficult process taught me to open my mind. To any porblem there are always many solutions. To each theory there is always more information. no matter where I turned I found that people were making assumptions with insufficient information. I tried to tell me about this, to show them that they shouldn't be so quick to make such declarative statements with what little information they have.
Nobody listened. Out of all the people I have met there has only ever been one person who has listened to me and thought about what I said. Everyone else is so caught up with proving that they are right, that they only think about how to tell you you're wrong. Weirdly I mostly just try to question what they say, NOT tell them they're wrong, yet they act like I am attacking their beliefs (like their god-damn beliefs are soooo irreproachable).
So living in a world full of fools, I became arrogant. I became certain I was right. I became them. I became these people. I don't know how to go back. I don't want to think I'm right all the time. I know it's not true. But how do I fucking deal with people who just blabber bullshit. Every time someone opens their mouth I find myself sectioning out what's probably true and the bullshit (politicians are almost nothing but bullshit, kinda just like lawyers and judges).
FUUUUUUUUUUUCK ME!!!! I don't want to think I'm right, that I'm better. I do not want to be this person. I don't want to be around these lying, delusional, arrogant, naive, ignorant jack-asses. God, I can't wait till it's all over.
